“Just look for a moment at our daily routine. In general we are very busy people. We have many meetings to attend, many visits to make, many services to lead. Our calendars are filled with appointments, our days and weeks filled with engagements, and our years filled with plans and projects. There is seldom a period in which we do not know what to do, and we move through life in such a distracted way that we do not even take the time to rest and wonder if any of the things we think, say, or do are worth thinking, saying and doing. We simply go along with many of the ‘musts’ and ‘oughts’ that have been handed to us and we live with them as if they were authentic translations of the gospel of our Lord. People must be motivated to come to church, youth must be entertained, money must be raised, and above all everyone must be happy. Moreover, we must be on good terms with church and civil authorities; we ought to be liked by a majority of the congregation; we ought to move up in the ranks according to schedule; and we ought to have enough vacation and salary to live a comfortable life. Thus we are busy people and just like all other busy people, rewarded with the rewards which are rewarded to busy people.
Why is this so ? Why do the children of light so easily become conspirators with the darkness ? The answer is quite simple. Our identity is at stake. Who am I ? I am the one who is liked, praised, admired,disliked, hated or despised. Whether I am a pianist, a businessman, or a pastor, what matters is how I am perceived by my world. If being busy is a good thing, then I must be busy. If having money is a sign of real freedom, then I must claim my money. If knowing many people proves my importance, I will have to make the necessary contacts. The compulsion manifests itself in the lurking fear of failing and the steady urge to prevent this by gathering more of the same – more work, more money, more friends. It has been said that anger and greed are the sour fruits of our worldly dependencies. What else is anger than the impulsive response to the experience of being deprived ? When my sense of self depends on what others say of me, anger is quite a natural reaction to a critical word. And when my sense of self depends on what I can acquire, greed flares up when my desires are frustrated.
Anger in particular seems close to a professional vice in contemporary ministry. Pastors are angry at their leaders for not leading and at their followers for not following. They are angry at those who do not come to church for not coming and angry at those who do come for coming without enthusiasm. They are angry at their families, who make them feel guilty, and angry at themselves for not being who they want to be. This is not an open, blatant, roaring anger, but an anger hidden behind the smooth word, the smiling face and the polite handshake. It is a frozen anger, an anger which settles into a biting resentment and slowly paralyzes a generous heart. If there is anything that makes the ministry look grim and dull, it is this dark, insidious anger in the servants of Christ. “
Taken from “ The Way of the Heart” by Henri Nouwen page 22-24
